We now know why so many Republicans are having to walk with canes and get knee replacements. The problem stems from getting up from their seats so often to reach across the aisle to the liberal Democrats. They’re simply worn out their knees and hips trying to ape the liberals. There was a time when Republicans stood out as the result of what they stood for, but that period is gone.

Liberal Democrats want to raise taxes on all of us, but some of them refuse to pay their taxes. They’ve tried to excuse themselves by appealing to their lapse of memory. Imagine, being governed by people who won’t even pay their own taxes. That’s like “biting the hand that feeds you.” They won’t pay their just taxes to the government that pays them. By the way, all the liberal Democrats need to know that Wal-Mart sells some good natural vitamins that claims to improve memory. And to all you weak-kneed Republicans who love to abandon conservative principles for “branch water” values, just dump that water on Al Gore’s hot climate and use that so-called stimulus package, if it passes, to pay companies to bring jobs back from Mexico and China- that will stimulate the economy.

You paid them to leave, now pay them to come back to America. Don’t spend stimulus money to buy art prints to be housed in Museums, for the Middle-Class can’t appreciate art when they are unemployed and their stomachs empty.

It is jobs, Doofus, that we need. Buy them back.

I want to share with my readers Ten Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity by Austin Tucker:

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
3. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
4. In the memo field on all your checks, write, “For Smuggling Diamonds.”
5. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
6. Order a “Diet Water” whenever you go out to eat- with a serious face.
7. Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”
8. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won! I won!”
9. When leaving the Zoo, start running toward the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives- they’re loose!”
10. Tell your children over dinner: “Due to the economy, were going to have to let one of you go.” – Austin Tucker