After a meticulous autopsy, performed by conservative Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats, it was announced last week that Capitalism passed away suddenly in January 2009 when a new administration in D.C. decided to put an end to Prosperity. For years Capitalism and Prosperity had been like Siamese twins… where one was found the other was not far behind. It seems that each fed off of the other. When Americans invested their resources in a new adventure, Capitalism paid off in terms of profits and jobs, and Prosperity followed. But Prosperity has never been content to remain the fruits of Capitalism, investing its profits in capitalistic opportunities, which produced more capital and more job opportunities with it.Capitalism was euthanized by lame brained liberals, who are suffering from the elitist syndrome and a double-dose of ignorance. A press conference is expected soon in which the liberals will seek to explain their economic boomerang. The writer encourages his readers to turn to the Fox Network as the liberal Networks have already abandoned Capitalism.
Two of Tennessee’s politicians, Lamar Alexander and Bart Gordon, are expected to attempt to explain why they voted for the socialistic stimulus package, which according to a recent in the Tennessean, has proven futile in easing unemployment in Tennessee, which is currently 12.5 percent. Some say that Alexander will play a song on the piano entitled, “Starving to Death on Rocky Top,” or “Going Bankrupt While Waiting For My Stimulus Money to Arrive.” Oh well, a little fun won’t hurt anybody!
The memorial service planned for Capitalism is expected to dwell on the quality of life that this tried and proven economic philosophy has brought to America.
Below are some topics to be covered:
1. Freedom from government interference has permitted Capitalism to pool the resources of Americans, which has paid off handsomely in jobs and a better standard of living.
2. Freedom from government interference has permitted Capitalism to lure businessmen and women into the arena of adventure, resulting in great hospitals for the sick and quality educational institutions for those with inquisitive minds.
3. Freedom from government interference has permitted Capitalism to create the highest standard of living of any Nation upon earth.
4. Freedom from government interference has permitted Capitalism to have profits sufficient enough to share with starving third-world countries.
5. Freedom from government interference has permitted Capitalism to attract businessmen and women into the health care industry, which has provided caring homes for the sick and the elderly.
6. Freedom from government interference has enabled Capitalism to turn the wheels of industry (until liberal Democrats and Republicans shipped them overseas), which had jobs waiting for young men and women upon graduating from high school and college.
We are on the verge of losing many of our freedoms, not the least of which is the right to establish a business and manage it without political tryouts interfering and seeking to turn it into a socialistic business.